Descendent
Abraham and Isaac and the "sacrifice"
Sarah is a slightly chubby eighteen-year-old with blond hair and highlights, which rest just at her shoulders. She is mature beyond her years—quiet in confidence and not afraid to ask questions. If I were not the pediatrician taking care of her newborn baby, I would never imagine that Sara has yet to graduate high school and is already a mother.
Alfonza is the twenty-two, six feet and two hundred and twenty pound father-- an obviously innocent and sensitive man. When Alfonza cradles his baby boy Charley, it is as if he is holding a tiny rabbit. I try not to think about Steinbeck’s Of Mice and Men. Alfonzo wears black-rimmed glasses and coo’s at baby Charley as if no one is watching. Later when Sarah breast-feeds Charley, Alfonzo places his hand gently on Sarah’s arm and asks if she is comfortable and if she wants him to turn on the TV.
It is Sarah, who requests that baby Charley be circumcised a few hours before hospital discharge, “Well my Grandfather was Jewish and I want Charley to fundamentally know that,” she says
“I think its better for him anyway,” says Sarah’s mother who sits on the blue vinyl couch in the room next to the window with her hands clasped, “it is cleaner and helps prevent infection.”
Alfonzo is quiet. He is looking at his feet while quickly blinking his eyes. He is running his teeth over his lower lip. “What are you thinking, Alfonsa?” I ask.
“Well…” Alfonzo pauses, “I really don’t want to do it, but Sarah and Mom obviously think differently.”
Medically, circumcision or removal of the foreskin around the glans or tip of the penis is usually extraneous. Circumcision may be necessary when the foreskin opening is too narrow preventing full extension of the penile shaft during erection— a condition called phimosis— but this is rare. But most parents in the United States still circumcise their newborn sons to make them look more like their fathers or to protect them from getting teased in the locker room, projected forward of course. Since these may not be the best reasons, certain myths have developed to support the stance, such as foreskins are dirty or not having one prevents premature ejaculation. Epistemologically, doctors have been unhelpful in providing guidance. The first recorded medical indication for circumcision in America occurred in the 1850’s as a way of preventing masturbation or treating hip-joint disease. I am neither urologist nor orthopedist, but I can say with 100% certainty that this cause-effect relationship never panned out.
Not all circumcisions are without complications. Healing infection.
Many Jews of course circumcise their sons. This happens on the 8th day of life, so long as the baby is not sick, though this is not a requirement for being Jewish. A Mohel does the cutting and after the circumcision, parents and guests celebrate over a meal, which together with procedure make up brit milah.
Most Muslims circumcise their sons not in the newborn period but usually when they are six or seven years of age (but before fifteen) after they have demonstrated mastery over aspects of the Quran. Circumcision is basically a mandatory part of the Muslim faith because it is a recommended tradition or sunnah of the prophet Muhammad.
Thus, I always make it a point to discourage circumcision unless it is a matter of faith. Cultural norms are another matter.
“Unless you are growing up in Utah,” I used to say to new parents, “most boys in this world are not circumcised. Besides, things change.”
“That’s interesting,” the fathers would say, “we still choose to circumcise.”
Working on my delivery: “Now, I am not a religious man at all,” I would say, “But if I did believe in God, I would imagine s/he would not have made the mistake of producing an extra piece on the body for us to cut off.”
To this most parents would grimace.
Or I would say, “Don’t think that circumcision is not painful, because it is. As a thought experiment, why don’t we wait until your son is old enough to choose whether or not he wants to get circumcised?”
“That’s all right,” parents would say, “But we’ll wait here until you are finished.”
I personally favored the confident but sympathetic approach: “I can circumcise like the best of them,” I would say, “but I would choose not to do this because it is not medically necessary. I wouldn't do it for my own."
“We appreciate that. Now let’s circumcise.”
Sarah, Alonzo, Charley and Grandmother are betwixt faith and culture-- a kind of political impasse. Upon further discussion with Sarah’s mother, she tells me that her belief arises from the Book of Genesis, Chapter 17. Sarah wants to pay respects to her Jewish Grandfather, who helped raise her. It is the best way she knows how to show her deference. But Alonzo is pained for reasons he has yet to reveal. “I think we need consensus here,” I say, “these kind of decisions can divide--if not now, then later. This is a time to be together.”
All parties nod in agreement. There is silence however, and only the occasional innocent grunt or unintentional sniffle from Charley interrupts. Sarah adjusts Charley, who is tucked in the crotch of her right arm lying perched on a pillow. Alonzo rocks ever so subtly from foot to foot. Grandma watches all.
Looking at Alonza I say, “Would you all mind if I speak with Alonzo?” I sense Alonza might be more comfortable speaking in privacy. “Alonzo seems to be outnumbered by the strong women in this family,” I continue, “I know something about this. I have three older sisters.”
“Please,” Sarah and her grandmother say, smiling but serious too.
“Yes, let’s do that,” says Alonzo.
In my version of Genesis Chapter 17, God challenges Abraham to perform an act of faith. God asks Abraham if he really believes in the Creator, then he must kill his beloved son Isaac. Abraham is tormented and anguishes for three days. But he believes fully that God is the Creator and as such, has the right to tell him what to do. Abraham decides to submit to God’s word. He gets a gigantic knife, looks at the innocent face of Isaac on his lap one more time, mutters for paradoxical forgiveness then raises the heavy blade high into the air. But God is good and sends the Angel Maroni to stop Abraham at the last moment. Maroni says to Abraham, wait, no need to kill Isaac, this was a test; that Abraham has proved his devotion many times over. Abraham is so relieved that he decides to give a piece of Isaac to God anyway: A gesture of good will, if you will. What better signifier of devotion than a part of Isaac’s penis? The male descendants of Abraham (Muslims) and Isaac (the Jews) would forever follow this tradition and physical-spiritual mark.
“The story you tell is incorrect,” said a Rabbi to me five years ago on a short plane ride from Minnesota to New York City.
“Oh,” I said glumly, “isn't this at least part of the story of circumcision?”
“Not even close,” he said.
“What then is the story of circumcision in the Jewish and Muslim faiths?” I asked.
I obviously can’t speak for the Muslims,” relied the Rabbi adjusting his Yakama, “but in the Jewish faith, circumcision is a reminder to men to be faithful to God’s word, which includes being faithful to women. It doesn’t get more complicated than that.”
“Do you think it works?” I asked, “remind men of their fidelity?”
“I would like to think it has worked,” said the Rabbi.
“And the Angel Maroni?” I asked?
“There is no Angel called Moroni,” the Rabbi said most definitively, “unless you are Mormon.”
Alonzo and I sit down on the edge of opposing beds in an empty room across the hallway. He still waits for me to initiate the conversation but he is looking up now. Alonzo is Latino and my experience is that Latino’s generally do not circumcise their children. That Alonzo is uncircumcised turns out to be a correct assumption.
“Do you not want to circumcise Charley then because you want him to look like you?” I ask.
“No, I don’t care about that,” says Alonza.
“Is it because you think he will be in pain?” I ask, “because even though I don’t recommend circumcision, nine times out of ten I can do the procedure in a way that babies don’t cry.”
“That’s great, but it's not that,” says Alonzo. He swallows, “I've spent my entire life here in Grass Valley. But, once I started playing football in high school, people started making fun of me because of how I looked down there.” Alonza points subtly down towards his crotch. “I knew that this was wrong but I couldn’t really do anything about it.”
“Good thing you are 6 feet 2, 220 pounds,” I say.
“6 feet 3, 230 pounds,” Alonza says, “it didn’t make a difference."
“So you don’t want to give these people, Grass Valley narrow mindedness, society, whatever, the satisfaction,” I summarize, “but you also don’t want to have Charley go through what you went through,”
“Exactly,” Alonzo says.
“I am going to ask you a question and then make a recommendation based on your answer to the question,” I say, “Remember, my job is to give you counsel. You can take it or leave it. Is that okay?” I know what I am going to do. My sense after two days with Alonzo and his family is that there is no right or wrong in this case, just a decision. Sometimes it's better to make a decision and run with it, saving the anguish that comes with second guessing and wanting to be perfect as a parent. This issue is not going to go away in Grass Valley at least and it is in Grass Valley where we are.
“Are you planning on leaving Grass Valley any time soon?” I ask, “do you and Sarah want, for example, to move to the big city: SF, Sacramento, LA, someday?”
Alonza looks up and to the right for a few seconds then back at me, his lips pursed. “No, we like it here,” he says, “plus Sarah’s mother and my parents are around to support us. I can’t see us moving away. At least as far forward as I can see.”
“Well if you really think you’re going to stay in Grass Valley or near here, and mind you, life is long and you should probably try living somewhere else for a while, then don’t make Charley be the martyr for the suffering that you experienced as a teen,” I say, “It’s too big. There are other battles to fight that don’t involve genitals. Knowing you and Sarah, I am sure you will raise Charley to be a fighter for others, for what is right, for what he believes."
“I grew up in Salt Lake City, Utah,” I continued, “most everyone was white and every white person was circumcised, so later when we were older and had to shower at school, anyone who wasn’t circumcised really got the business. I remember a boy from Vietnam who was ridiculed mercilessly. Even I was startled. I had never seen an uncircumcised penis! I have a feeling Grass Valley isn’t that different from Salt Lake City. When it comes down to it, Charley won’t remember his circumcision. He will distinguish himself based on his talents and personality, not on how he looks down there, as you put it.”
“You can come into watch the procedure. Own it. It’s bad but not horrible. You’ll see that we can make Charley comfortable. Later, at home he’ll cry and that will likely be from discomfort but also because he is hungry, or needs his diaper changed, or simply to be held in a way that I have seen you hold him. What do you think?”
“I think this makes a lot of sense,” Alonza says.
“Do you need some time to think alone or to discuss with Sarah and Mom?” I ask.
"Just give us five minutes,” he says, “I want to tell them myself the reasons. But I agree that based on where we are and what it is, I agree to circumcise.
“You sure?” I ask
“I’m sure,” he says, “I didn’t know how to express what I was feeling but now I have a much better idea. Thank you.”
“Thank you for being so open,” I say, “I’ll get the stuff prepared and come get you in 10 to 15 minutes. Give you a little extra time with Sarah and G-ma.”
“Deal,” Alonza says. We stand together.
“Deal,” I say as we shake hands.
Behind every medical procedure is a baby
