Hand in Hand

I.  Intro

Good afternoon. Welcome to the wedding of Jenny and Jimmy.  My name is Wilson Wang and I have the distinct pleasure of officiating this ceremony in beautiful Log-Haven in Millcreek.  As a short explanation of my role here, though not a priest, Jenny is my cousin and I came cheap. Jenny and I were born and raised in Salt Lake City.  Jenny introduced me five years ago to Jimmy, who is from Syracuse, also a city in Utah near Layton -- the only Asian I’ve ever known to live there (let alone survive there).  All three of our families regard Utah as a primary home.  So it is not without a kind of historical significance on this glorious afternoon, at a wedding between two really great people, in front of this intimate gathering of family and friends, from the vantage of Canyon no less, that I too declare that This is the Place.  This is the Place the couple of Jenny and Jimmy formally starts to be.

II. Concept

Being in a place, is kind of the point of life if you think about it.  Each situation presents us with an opportunity to impress our being onto the world.  Do we speak our minds?  Do we stand with others?  Do we pick up a pencil or paintbrush?  Practiced with consistency and courage, this perseverance leads first to learning, then to instinct, and finally to culture, which we share.  Now, this is not Pokey-man Go finding.  Or Facebook and Twitter posting—that kind of culture.  (There I said it, you younger generation taking over the world.)  These are choices of the body, mind, and spirit that practiced over years determine what is important in the present and what we leave behind in the long term.  This is Jimmy’s parents choosing to forgo personal passion so that their two sons could pursue theirs.  In California Mr. Yu drove a truck physically hauling the family’s finances on his back.  After the 1989 San Francisco earthquake, his parents saw opportunity in Utah and opened up a hamburger restaurant called Island Oasis.  This would have been a perfect because Mr. and Mrs. Yu are from Taiwan, but in Syracuse this meant that they were skinny people from Tonga.  When asked about this memory, Jimmy remembers his parents making sure that family-life was a balance between dedicated hard work and adventure.  All helped at the restaurant and part of the children’s work was to do well in school.  But Jimmy’s childhood also was filled with time spent hidden behind the cashier counter reading cowboy Westerns, building and testing unsafe go carts, fishing, and riding bikes in the hills behind the restaurant with his brother, co-pilot and partner in crime, Dennis.  Jimmy would later fly throughout the Inter-mountain West as a wild-land fire fighter and as a current Officer in the U.S. Air force, who has served multiple missions overseas.  When I ask Jimmy somewhat in disbelief how his parents let him do these very non-Asian parent things, he replies that Mr. and Mrs. Yu are people who respect and admire efforts to serve others because of the need and pre-requisite sacrifice.  He repeats his mom’s advice to “go out and experience the world because the world won't come to you.”

 

LogHaven resort in Millcreek Canyon

 

Jenny’s parents also co-wrote the guide to a child’s well-being.  For over twenty five years Mr. and Mrs. Ho took turns working the day and night shift at Holy Cross Hospital so that someone could always be home to feed and care for the children, and then some.  Jenny would go to school and have Mandarin and music lessons.  Jenny would go to prom.  She just had to be back by 10.  Jenny could have a boyfriend named Jimmy, so long as he was imaginary.  Jenny could pursue her love of children volunteering at the SLC Pubic Library and fundraising for Primary Care Hospital, so long as she had back-up pharmacy and health management degrees. 

There is some grace in growing old.  Now A-yi and Yi-diu, Jenny understands the motivations behind your, how do you say, strict child-rearing tactics.  Sure it produced evasive maneuvers, but it also produced Jared, Jenny’s talented older brother who is somehow all at once federal attorney, surrogate family patriarch, Taiwanese patriot and chef extraordinaire. And Lisa, Jenny’s younger sister and maid of honor-- The once Ho family wild child who is now a rising star at a certain Tech company, who just got married herself three weeks ago.  You put all of them through graduate school.  You still overload their suitcases with food and give unsolicited advice. Ayi, Jenny as a woman, cherishes all of these gifts but also the friends that you have become.  She relishes time spent in pursuit of that beautiful scarves that you will actually wear, sneaking tastes of your fabulous Taiwanese cooking, and watching Chinese Soap Operas with you providing real-time Mandarin-to-English translation. Yi-Dieu, everyday Jenny looks forward to your jogging dates, culminating in laughing attacks while doing pull-ups.  The garden that you cultivate each year is an amazing jungle of plenty and in a way symbolizes all that you and auntie and Mr. and Mr. Yu have produced out of once mere dirt and seed. The culture you have produced is an amalgam of Taiwan and Utah, old and young, exercise and discipline, anguish and trust developed while you Mr and Mrs. Yu literally waited in the car for Jimmy to finish his snowboarding lessons, praying that he’d arrive safely; and while you, Auntie and Uncle, literally waited in the car for Jenny to finish her piano lessons, trusting that she was learning to express the beauty you saw the instant she was born.  Jenny and Jimmy now perched on the promenade of one of life’s most serious transitions, see clearly the path you routed for them, never in complaint, desired but not practiced by most, possible only within a parent’s love of a child and the child’s manifestation, reciprocation, even supplication to that love.  They want you to know that they honor your beings and practiced devotion; that you can always count on them to embody the persons you committed them to be.  If there is a fundamental reason to have a wedding, it would be to express these sentiments clearly, publicly and in front of you. 

Let us pause while Jimmy and Jenny honor their parents through an exchange of flowers.

There’s a picture of Jenny I grew up with stuck to our refrigerator door just at a level that I could see.  Jenny is dressed in pink cotton jumper.  Her arms are held straight to her side.  She has the prerequisite five-year old Asian bangs and she has the dearest, sincerest, joyful smile.  When I think about what Jenny does to the being of Jimmy, I know it is related to the spirit behind that smile.  Anyone who knows Jenny knows that she does not bring on drama but absorbs it.  It’s okay that she can barely do a pull-up because she wouldn’t hurt a fly.  Jimmy is a man’s man.  He is an outdoorsman.  He hunts with his best man Shane and fights fires with his other man Daniel.  But beneath this toughness is a need for the gentleness, consideration and sweetness of jenny.  It’s like Jimmy has gone young coconuts for Jenny because working in Oklahoma these past years the distance became too much.  He already feels it took him 10 years to get a date with Jenny.  He refused to wait any more.

When I ask Jenny why she would marry Jimmy, she laughs then describes experiencing with him the outdoors for the first time without alcohol wipes. Through Jimmy and his family, she revels in not playing it so safe.  Jenny first thought that this was just Jimmy acting white, but with time, she discovered that she could do more with Jimmy at her side.  The words she used were “I became more than I was”.   This is the fundamental gift that strong couples give to one another in the literal expression of being in a marriage:  More powerful as two.  The creation of opportunity de novo.  Generation of a life spirit no matter where you are, even if it’s in Oklahoma.  To be or to not to be.  This is more statement than question.  Jimmy and Jenny, your journey as a couple has only just begun, but let us savor this moment when your beings are clear through your declaration of who you are and what got you to this point in front of this community of witnesses. 

II.  Question of Intent    

Let us hear a few words form one of Jenny and Jimmy’s dearest friends Paul Musser a poem on the union of marriage called, “Hand in Hand”.. (Paul reads poem)

So let’s get on with your poem.  What are you about to do? You are about to get married.  You are about to express the ultimate commitment that too people can do. Stronger than a parent-child relationship that must eventually be rendered.  Stronger than a love affair where you must eventually wake up.  This commitment is carved historically out of ice, stone, and iron it is what allows all other relationships to occur.  Do you Jenny understand the significance of this undertaking?  Do you Jimmy understand the significance of this undertaking?

IV. Vows

The vows that Jimmy and Jenny commit will be spoken not in isolation but in the tradition of vows said before them.  These vows are the vows of banned Mormon romance novels and Chinese soap operas.  They spill off the tongue like hymns and folk songs and in a way, bind us together culturally.

 

The Hwang clan.  Jenny's grandmother and grandfather first and second from left.  And my mother third from the right!

Jimmy and Jenny, please hold hands.  Jimmy, repeat after me:

I Jimmy Yu, take you Jenny Ho, to be my wife, to have and to hold, from this day forth, to love, honor, and cherish, to comfort and respect, in sorrow or in joy, in hardship or in plenty, so long as we both shall live.

Jenny, repeat after me:

 I Jenny Ho, take you Jimmy Yu, to be my husband, to have and to hold, from this day forth, to love, honor, and cherish, to comfort and respect, in sorrow or in joy, in hardship or in plenty, so long as we both shall live.

V.  Exchange of Rings

Now, Jenny and Jimmy will exchange rings.  The ring is a symbol of unity into which your two lives will now joined in an unbroken circle.  From my own experience, try really hard not to lose them.  But if you do, it will not matter. You also make rings with your fingers as you place the rings on each other’s fingers.  You are making rings with your arms right now.  You are encircled by people who love you.  All of these rings protect you.  They are not material.  They are emotional and spiritual. You cannot lose them as long as you recognize them deep within yourselves.

Jimmy repeat after me, I Jimmy Yu offer this ring…to you Jenny Ho… as a symbol of my love and devotion... Let it always be a reminder… of my vows to you.

Jenny, repeat after me.  I Jenny Ho offer this ring… to you Jimmy Yu… as a symbol of my love and devotion…Let it always be a reminder… of my vows to you.

 

Newlyweds!

 

VI.  Final Blessing and Kiss

Jimmy and Jenny, may you carry the love you feel on this day to the everyday.  May you never go to bed angry.  May you continue to explore this life individually but more importantly as two.  May you continue to be considerate and treat the mundane like door openings and greetings with the respectful ritual of a date.  May you protect each other from harm, most of all the harm that two people who know each other well can manifest.  As we say in Harlem, may you continue to watch each other’s backs? May you help each other and your family and community stay physically, emotionally, intellectually, and spiritually strong.

As much as you have made vows to one another other signifying your love and commitment and declared the same by giving and receiving your rings, I now have the pleasure to say, I pronounce you husband and wife.   Jenny, you may kiss your groom.  Jimmy, you may kiss your bride. 

Party about to begin