Tony and Theresa

Alaska is just like this

My dear friends Tony and Theresa just told me that they are expecting their first child.  I was immediately transported back to the summer of 2011 when I had the privilege of marrying them.  It was about half-way through the service when I realized how silly it was to be nervous within the bold Alaska landscape.  I began to simply enjoy my time with Tony and Theresa and their expansive community in a place of infinite paths and non-setting sun.  I thought to myself:  This is the beginning of something good.  

This is the place

 I.  Welcome and Introduction

Welcome everyone to the wedding of Theresa and Tony.  My name is Wilson Wang and I have the great pleasure of being today’s officiant for two dear friends amongst many friends in beautiful Alaska, a place that probably hasn’t seen so many East Asians since Mongols crossed the bearing straight 2 million years ago on foot; a place if you celebrate long enough you might very well wake up in the arms of a moose.  So partiers beware. 

You dream about these moments.  I’m not talking about the intimate wild-life or bold landscape.  I’m talking about the want, ability and opportunity to come together as a community to witness two people getting married.  This community is part friend, part family and gives us context and reason to share our joy. 

For us friends, we are those that regularly laugh, eat, dance and travel with Tony and Theresa.  We are those that understand how rare it is to be at a party where Toney is not the DJ and Theresa is not dressed-up as Lady Gaga.  We are those that share many memories in Tony and Theresa’s NYC Chinatown apartment, including that of the blind drooling French bull dog growling at you just as you settle down onto the toilet seat.  Lou Lou we miss you as you attempt to clear your nasal passages in the greener pastures of Connecticut.

Your community is of course your family who also bear witness to this marriage.  From Theresa’s side, her big brother Ted who has looked after Theresa from the beginning.  Ted taught Theresa to ride a bicycle the Alaskan-Korean way, without training wheels, only to find that Theresa then used her bicycle to follow Ted wherever he went, including on his first date.  As if it this country is not hard enough on us Asian-American brothers.   Ted will continue to be one of your strongest generous supporters.   Theresa, you marry near the place your parents built your first home.  Your father gives you away like the bold mountains in this place give way to this valley—watching, resolute.  Your mother is the bedrock.  She realizes that you are no longer 12 but a grown woman though wonders if she should still keep fed-ex’ing you that kimchi.  She knows how much you appreciate how hard she worked to support the family while you were growing up and like you, cherishes the best friends you have become. 

From Tony’s side, your family represented by your parents continue to cherish their youngest, their sai lo(2).  Though your Converse sneaker and Star Wars figure collections keep your Dad not wanting to learn English, he wants you to know how you honor him by wanting to keep the family business thriving and by living close enough to watch over him and your mother.  Your Mom thinks you are the best mama’s boy a mama could have, but you work too hard and go to sleep too late.  Your Mom knows how much you worry about her and though she never seems to listen to you, she hears. 

Best everything

Because of you, this community of family and friends joins together.  We want you two to know that we appreciate you sharing this occasion with us.  Your easy goingedness, your energy, and warmth have not gone unnoticed.  Though you invited us to this celebration, we would have come anyway. As you two express your love and commitment on this day, I hope you feel the love and commitment of those that surround you as well.  We all are not just watching you as you take this grand next step.  We actively participate.  We are in this together.

I am obviously not a priest, but this is a wedding in Alaska, which gives me reason to talk about love and light.  Right now we are at a place that receives about as much light as it gets.  Daylight lasts almost 24 hours.  It’s kind of romantic-- like there is no time for sleep.  No time to extinguish the opportunity of people brought together for the purpose of being together.  Heck, the earth is not even spinning straight but at 23 degrees and 26 radians.  

I have been with Tony on many occasions when he talks about Theresa and to the extent that this happens to men, his face lights up and he too gets kind of off axis.  Usually this takes the form of unsolicited phrases over fish tacos or at the local YMCA where Tony does a lot of talking and moaning.  He’ll say things like Theresa is the greatest, Theresa is the one, or man she’s hot.  Sometimes I probe.  I say, how do you know, Tony?  Really know.  Aren’t you scared?  Don’t all relationships eventually tire?   And Tony who can be kind of wise even in delirium says, all I know is who I am and how I will be, and I will never tire of Theresa.

In a different way, we have all seen Theresa emit a kind of inextinguishable light.  Sure there’s that stunning picture of you at Christmas when you are illuminating the tree behind you.  But there’s also the energy that you bring even when answering the door in your black framed glasses and one feels like that they have come home.  Or when you watch sports with Tony because you know he likes it.  When he accuses you of not paying attention you quickly close your computer and yell out the score.  On many occasions, we have seen you physically hold the night hostage for the day.  This can be during Karaoke or a late dinner or while you are on the dance floor cutting a rug.   Your energy is contagious.  You are like a girl who will not go to sleep before everyone has opened up their presents and it is obvious to all while you stand obstinately your ground why Tony loves you for the light you exude. 

It is actually not the longest day of the year. That time ended June 21st on the solstice.  Now everyday even this July 8th gets shorter.  Every hour that passes shortens the daylight until December 28th when there will be almost 24 hours of dark.  I think nature’s regular transition from light to dark, the darkness that inevitably overcomes everything and everyone describes a role for love that is fundamental to the institution of marriage and the true real reason that brings us here.   In this role, love is not the point of lasting relationships but the means.  Love is the thing that exists whether or not there is light.  Things cannot always be bright.  Things cannot always be happy.  There will be sad times. There will be neutral times.  There will even be dark times.  And it is only those that truly love you who will be around for whatever the season.  It will only be love that will provide you the spirit to get you through the times when it seems impossible to see.

TNT. That is not a bible.

Tony had knee surgery this year. Tony, we didn’t say this to you then, but you were a sorry sight.  But we couldn’t believe how well Theresa took care of you.  Tony was driving Theresa mad with requests of pillow here or pillow there, Bebe this Bebe that, but Theresa knew that Tony was in pain and that he needed her and so she helped him the ways that she could.  Not once did Tony question whether he could rely on Theresa.  Similarly, Theresa you can in various instances get, how would you say, moody.  But like a Lobster in a Chinese restaurant fish tank, Tony almost always remains calm.  Tony is resolved to you.  He believes in you and if you fight, he knows you will make up because he loves you period.  How you two respect one another all the time, but especially during trying times, is what defines your love and personally makes it so fun to be around you.  When all is said and done, the party ends, the makeup comes off and it is two people facing each other in the dark with all their ordinariness, their corny jokes, and evening facial cream.  It’s not complacency.  It’s not growing old.  It’s the heart without the skin.  It’s true love without contingency plans.  In short, Tony and Theresa, this is a joyous occasion that is only enhanced by the sky light.   You’re cute, your strong, your right and this will never depend on the day.

II.  Question of Intent    

Let us hear a few words form one of Tony and Theresa’s dearest friends Adelle Chang on “The union” of marriage...

So let’s get to the poem.  What are you about to do? You are about to get married.  You are about to express the ultimate commitment that too people can do. Stronger than a parent child relationship that must eventually be rendered.  Stronger than that love affair where you must eventually wake up.  This commitment is carved historically out of ice, stone, and iron it is what allows all other relationships to occur.

Do you two understand the significance of this undertaking?

IV. Vows

The vows that Tony and Theresa commit will be spoken not in isolation but in the tradition of vows said before them.  These vows are the vows of story books, Korean romance movies, and Chinese soap operas.  They spill off the tongue like hymns and folk songs and in a way, bind us together culturally 

Tony and Theresa, please hold hands.  Tony, repeat after me:

I Tony Chan, take you Theresa Sin, to be my wife, to have and to hold, from this day forth, to love, honor, and cherish, to comfort and respect, in sorrow or in joy, in hardship or in plenty, so long as we both shall live.

Theresa, repeat after me:

I Theresa Sin, take you Tony Chan, to be my husband, to have and to hold, from this day forth, to love, honor, and cherish, to comfort and respect, in sorrow or in joy, in hardship or in plenty, so long as we both shall live.

V.  Exchange of Rings

Now, let Theresa and Tony exchange rings.  The ring is a symbol of unity into which your two lives are now joined in an unbroken circle.  Try not to lose them (especially yours Theresa).  But if you do, it will not matter. You also make rings with your fingers as you place the rings on each other’s fingers.  You are making rings with your arms right now.  You are encircled by this community of family and friends.  All of these rings protect you.  They are not material.  They are emotional and spiritual. You cannot lose them as long as you recognize them deep within your selves.

Tony repeat after me, I Tony Chan offer this ring to you Theresa Sin as a symbol of my love and devotion. Let it always be a reminder of my vows to you.

Theresa, repeat after me.  I Theresa Sin offer this ring to you Tony Chan as a symbol of my love and devotion. Let it always be a reminder of my vows to you.

VI.  Final Blessing and Kissing

Tony and Theresa, may you carry the love you feel on this day to the everyday.  May you never go to bed angry.  May you continue to explore this life individually but more importantly as two.  May you continue to be considerate and treat the mundane like door openings and greetings with the respectful formality of a date.  May you protect each other from harm, most of all the harm that two people who know each other well can cast.  As they say in Harlem, may you continue watching each other’s backs?  May you continue to be hip and throw cool parties.  May you help each other and your family and community stay physically, emotionally, intellectually, and spiritually strong.

As much as you have made vows to one another other signifying your love and commitment and have declared the same by giving and receiving your rings, I now have the pleasure to say, I pronounce you husband and wife.   Theresa, you may kiss your groom.  Tony, you may kiss your bride!  Congratulations.

Expectant too?

The dress that killed a thousand dresses